I feel like I haven't been getting much done lately.
Not just on the Wongery. I mean, yes, on the Wongery, but not just on the Wongery. I have a lot of other projects I want to move forward with, a lot of other things I want to do, and I feel like I haven't been making much progress on those either. I mean, I've never been as productive as I wish I were, but I feel like lately (and by "lately" I mean... pretty much all of 2024 so far?) it's been especially bad.
Why is this? I think I've been telling myself I've just been very busy with work, but that's... not really true, or at least not the whole truth. Sure, I've been working more this year than I did last year; as I said in a post last October, last year was a difficult time in the industry I'm employed in and work was slow. It's gotten better since then. (Which of course has a definite upside in that it means I'm in a much better pecuniary situation right now than I was then, though I still wouldn't say I'm really financially comfortable.) But, I mean... I haven't really been working that much. Not enough that I shouldn't have been able to get done a lot more than I have. (In fact, ironically in the post linked above I blamed my not getting as much done as I'd like on my lack of work. Hm.)
It's certainly not that I... don't like working on the Wongery. I do, in fact. I enjoy creating worlds, and coming up with more details about them and their contents. Which itself may be part of the problem. See, because I enjoy working on the Wongery, and because I also have other projects I want to work on, when I am working on the Wongery I always feel like I should be doing something else; here I am doing something fun and there are all these things I want to get done, and I have to remind myself that this very much is one of the things I want to get done. (There is something wrong with my brain. Very probably multiple things.) Again, though, this isn't the whole problem, especially since I'm not really getting much done on those other projects either. It is, however, I think related to what's actually the real main problem, which I'll get to in a bit.
And speaking of things wrong with my brain, I've said in the past that I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD... and I still think that's the case (and maybe one of those days ought to get around to actually getting tested and finding out for sure). And yeah, that (if it's true) obviously does also play a rôle in my not getting as much done as I'd like. But again, I don't think it's the whole story. Certainly there are times in the past I've gotten more done than I'm getting done now.
So why haven't I been getting more done? Well, at the risk of coming off like the wheedlesome jobseeker who when asked in an interview what their greatest weakness is responds unctuously that they just care too much about their work... I think I've been working too hard. Or trying to.
For the last... I'm not sure how long, but a few months at least... almost all of my waking time at home I've been spending sitting at my computer. Almost the only extended times I'm not at my computer, if I'm home and awake, are when I'm in the bathroom or preparing a meal. (While I'm actually eating]] the meal, I am at my computer. Which... probably isn't great for my keyboard.) Even if I have downtime at work, I spend it on my laptop. I haven't watched any TV in months—I'm paying for several streaming services I haven't been using. (And not because there are no shows I'm interested in. I've heard good things about Scavengers Reign, for instance, and I've been kind of meaning to give it a watch... but I heretofore haven't.) I havent played any computer games in even longer. (Again, not because I'm not interested; I have a sizeable library of games mostly purchased through GOG.com or in Humble Bundles, of which in the last few years I've probably played no more than three or four, and in the last few months none.) I think the last time I've read any books (aside from RPG sourcebooks, which I'm reading largely to familiarize myself with the systems for eventual use in the Wongery Gamespace) was while I was on a plane flight back in May... and that was a book I'd been meaning to read for a long time, and that is way overdue at the library. (The Inheritance Trilogy, by N. K. Jemisin, for what it's worth. Which I still haven't finished, and I really need to finish it so I can return it to the library and let someone else check it out.) (I'm a member of a monthly book club and feel very bad that for quite some time I've been showing up for the meetings without having read the books. This didn't use to be the case. (The not reading the books part, I mean, not the feeling bad part. I've pretty much always felt bad about... pretty much everything. Refer to the bit above about "something wrong with my brain".))
Why haven't I been doing those things? Again, because I have so much to get done; I feel like I have to keep working on the Wongery and my other projects and can't afford to take time away from the computer to do other things. But of course there have been times in the past I've spent a lot more time watching TV and playing computer games... and I kind of feel like I was more productive in those times than I am now, despite the time I spent on those other pursuits. Or maybe because of it. Maybe (probably) trying to forego any sort of entertainment or recreation and spending all my time trying to work on my projects is actively counterproductive.
It's not even as if all my time sitting in front of the computer has been productive. Far from it. It's not like I haven't really done anything but work on my projects. I've certainly spent time browsing Tumblr, watching YouTube videos, reading random articles online. I guess the thing is that since those are things I'm doing while I'm still sitting at my computer, I don't feel as much like I'm neglecting work on my projects, since after all I'm still at the computer and can in principle just spend a few minutes on those distractions and then get right back to work. Never mind that the total time I do spend on those distractions in practice probably adds up to more than I'd spend watching a TV show or reading a few chapters of a book. (Okay, I guess I could still play video games while sitting at my computer too, of course. But I think the same psychological rationalization doesn't apply because the video game is a little too obviously taking time away from my work to be so easily waved off.)
Honestly, though, even when it comes to working on my projects, I think I'm shortchanging myself by spending all my time in front of the computer. I want to try to work on the... most obvious parts of the projects, the parts that give the most concrete and unambiguous indication of progress. If I write and post an article on the Wongery, for intsance, that's something clear and definite I can point to that I've done. But the truth is there are other things that need to be done, other aspects of the work, that don't need to be done while I'm sitting at the computer—and that in fact maybe best aren't. Before I write an article, for instance, I have to plan out its contents, brainstorm ideas, do some prep work... and I don't need to be (and maybe shouldn't be) in front of the computer for that. As it is, I guess I'm trying to combine the planning and writing phases into one, and that... doesn't really work well. I used to carry around color-coded index cards with notes about different projects or parts of projects, and I would spend time... just adding to those notes, brainstorming ideas. I should maybe start doing that again.
So I probably ought to take more time away from the computer for several reasons, I guess.
Now, as it happens, though I didn't have this consciously in mind when I started this post, I'm writing this post at a time when I am about to take a fairly lengthy break; I leave tonight for Gen Con, an annual game convention I've been attending every year for the last few years (and very sporadically before that). Not that I won't necessarily make any progress on my projects while I'm there; I'll have my laptop with me and I will probably put in a little work on the Wongery and some other projects. But most of my time there will be doing things that aren't work and don't involve sitting in front of the computer, so... it'll be a much-needed change. When I went to Gen Con last year, I wrote a post about how I felt like I was going to be "recharged" by the break and be more productive afterward. And then... nothing really changed; I don't feel like that really happened. But then, I don't think then I was as much in need of a recharge as I am now. Maybe this time it'll be different.
Even if it isn't, though, after I get back from Gen Con this year I'm going try to make myself... take more breaks. Spend more time away from my computer. Watch TV, read books, play games. Maybe I'll enjoy life a little more. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be more productive.
What the hey. On August 5, the day after I get home from Gen Con, I'll finally watch the first episode of Scavengers Reign.